Out On A Limb

I’ve never really been the type of person to approach strangers at my own will. I think I’ve classified myself as the ‘awkward turtle’ since my early teens and it’s subconsciously followed me into my 20s. I of course read the self help quotes on Pinterest and instagram daily that tell me to be myself and not give a fuck about what others thing about me, but then why do I have this constant dialogue running in my head that makes me second guess and question everything about myself? 1300 miles away from home and I’ve been homesick for people I never felt real with. I thought moving to Arizona would bring along amazing opportunities and adventures with the person I once loved, that I’d meet tons of friends and have what everyone else had; a normal life.

What I never expected was to feel absolutely isolated and unhappy in a place that was supposed to be paradise. A year and a half of uncertainty and fear held me back from doing the things I really wanted to do. I obliged to somone else’s demands because I thought it was what I needed to do to keep the peace in an unhealthy relationship. I felt stuck and alone and I wish I would have done something about it sooner.
But then people started coming into my life that helped change things. And helped open my eyes to more and more deception until I was finally free of the toxic thing holding me back.
It’s been nearly 3 months that I’ve been free and I can literally feel myself breaking out of this shell I’ve been ‘protecting’ myself with. This impenetrable shell that kept me from the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude I want to flaunt. But in a good way of course. I don’t want to dwell in my own misery and worry about what others think of me and what I’m doing. This life is about me and making myself happy, however that may be.
Nearly 3 months in to this new life and I’m proud to say I’m learning how to trust going out on a limb for things I’m craving. Friends and adventures and a life less stressful is all I’ve been craving and I can feel it manifesting itself into my present moment.
10 days ago I was romping through the Salt River with 3 people I’ve never met before in my life, but had been living vicariously through their incredible instagram posts exploring amazing places around Arizona. I climbed trees, river romped on the search for wild horses and killed a joint of Blue Dream with 3 beautiful souls I must have been destined to meet.
I will say I was apprehensive at first, almost psyching myself out on my way to meet these strangers. But I drove to our meeting spot, parked my car, wiped my clammy hands on my shorts and went to meet a few of the most gentle souls I’ve met so far on my Arizona journey.
Go out on a limb. It’s worth it. Your awkward turtle self will thank you for it.

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